I have cross gender friendships. I’m a lesbian and it used to be mostly gay men. Now I have a friend who’s 30 years younger than me and he’s straight. And I absolutely love to hang out with my brother in law. But I don’t have the patience to befriend most men. They tend not to do their share of the friendship “chores”.
I plead the 5th Amendment as a cultural dinosaur…this has never been a priority of any kind. I never maintained contact with any ex girlfriends either…not a single one. Too many of us grew up without cross-sex siblings and do not ‘get’ platonic relations across the gender divide….especially men with no sisters…
Just thinking back, as my guy friends gradually met someone they became serious with, there was just no need for them to ask me for advice or emotional support anymore, and that’s natural. A lot of the time mixed gender friendships are brother/sister vibe, and even those get distant as people meet their spouse: That being said, some people like to start rumors, which can make things awkward if either side starts to see someone and they’re not at a natural end to the friendship.
Boundaries are good? Clear Intention? The only guy friend I was in love with I had to be around because we worked near each other, and that was a kind of hell… But not something I’d have chosen.
You're starting from a couple of assumptions that there's the best, right way to do things, and this way is wrong. Huh? Why wouldn't this way be right? Who decides? There's no checklist, no grading curve to meet.
Personally I think we're going backward at the speed of light. I had no trouble haven't either friend up until social media and such was telling everyone how they ought to be. Now no one is how they ought to be, so they break up for stuff we would never have DREAMED of in 1990. And what's a breakup? Another invented thing. Before all the pressure of how to do it "right" or "wrong" you'd drift away from a friend, run into them again, start up, think nothing of it. Because no tragic "Big Talk" was had in the first place. That's more deadly relationship advice and navel gazing. STOP. Just LIKE each other. Have time enough to get out. It's not that difficult.
So now I'm the same and everyone else has become like demented frenetic zombies. Just BE WHO YOU ARE. Not how people on Substack tell you to be.
I have cross gender friendships. I’m a lesbian and it used to be mostly gay men. Now I have a friend who’s 30 years younger than me and he’s straight. And I absolutely love to hang out with my brother in law. But I don’t have the patience to befriend most men. They tend not to do their share of the friendship “chores”.
I plead the 5th Amendment as a cultural dinosaur…this has never been a priority of any kind. I never maintained contact with any ex girlfriends either…not a single one. Too many of us grew up without cross-sex siblings and do not ‘get’ platonic relations across the gender divide….especially men with no sisters…
I'm friends with a few of my exes! It's something I've had to negotiate over the years. It's been a wobbly process at times, but so worth it.
My autistic brain can not handle the grey aspect there…I’m no role model
Just thinking back, as my guy friends gradually met someone they became serious with, there was just no need for them to ask me for advice or emotional support anymore, and that’s natural. A lot of the time mixed gender friendships are brother/sister vibe, and even those get distant as people meet their spouse: That being said, some people like to start rumors, which can make things awkward if either side starts to see someone and they’re not at a natural end to the friendship.
Boundaries are good? Clear Intention? The only guy friend I was in love with I had to be around because we worked near each other, and that was a kind of hell… But not something I’d have chosen.
You're starting from a couple of assumptions that there's the best, right way to do things, and this way is wrong. Huh? Why wouldn't this way be right? Who decides? There's no checklist, no grading curve to meet.
Personally I think we're going backward at the speed of light. I had no trouble haven't either friend up until social media and such was telling everyone how they ought to be. Now no one is how they ought to be, so they break up for stuff we would never have DREAMED of in 1990. And what's a breakup? Another invented thing. Before all the pressure of how to do it "right" or "wrong" you'd drift away from a friend, run into them again, start up, think nothing of it. Because no tragic "Big Talk" was had in the first place. That's more deadly relationship advice and navel gazing. STOP. Just LIKE each other. Have time enough to get out. It's not that difficult.
So now I'm the same and everyone else has become like demented frenetic zombies. Just BE WHO YOU ARE. Not how people on Substack tell you to be.