Why your friendships look like The Simpsons IMBD scores

DOH!

Image via James McGrady on Reddit

When I saw this image, my first thought was, this is basically the trajectory of most friendships lol. Things start off strong. Amazing, even. Then slowly but surely, the quality nosedives. Grievances bubble up. Conflicts arise. Something comforting and warm hardens into something harsh and cold.

Before you know it, the only currency of your friendship is low-effort social media interactions. *sobs into oat milk latte*

The top 5 reasons why friendships fade

According to Psychology Today, the five most common reasons friendships become strained are:

1. Someone moves away. Whether it’s across town or across the country, moves disrupt routines, shift priorities, and make closeness tough to achieve

2. There’s a mismatch of values and opinions. Whatever the reason, you two aren’t on the same page about something important. This makes the time you do spend together feel fraught or draining.

3. There’s a downgrade due to a change in life circumstance. Illness, loss, marriage, divorce, parenthood, job loss, bankruptcy, the list goes on and on. All of these events influence the circle of support a person seeks out. Not every friendship is equipped to handle these events or changes.

4. There’s a conflict of some sort. This speaks to any betrayal, malicious action, or egregious violation of trust, like a friend hooking up with your ex, stealing from you, or bad-mouthing you.

5.  There’s a drifting due to a change in personality or lifestyle. You might still be physically close to one another, but existentially, you’re in two different places. A newly sober friend might feel uncomfortable seeking out her hard-partying former friends. And a friend embracing religion may only seem interested in socializing with people in her new church.

Is this downward trajectory inevitable?

Absolutely not! Despite all the doom and gloom out there, your friendships aren’t destined to decline in quality like The Simpsons output.

Here’s what to know about modern friendships:

1. There’s two kinds of friendships in adulthood: memorial friendships and active friendships.

2. Memorial friendships are based on affection and have infrequent contact. Active friendships are based on mutual interests and have frequent contact.

3. Every friendship needs an about, which is a clear and compelling reason for both people to seek one another out.

4. Friendship abouts can change, be outdated or be absent. It’s on US to negotiate new abouts with our friends. Society will not help us glue our friendships in place. WE need to find reasons to keep friendships active.

You’ve got this

The moral of the story: It’s not our fault that our friendships are becoming harder to maintain. But it is our responsibility to understand the new modern friendship landscape and find ways to establish connection with other people.

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Pre-orders are underway for my book Modern Friendship. Reviews are starting to trickle in. Here’s what people are saying:

"Modern Friendship" by Anna Goldfarb stands out as an invaluable resource in the realm of self-help literature. Goldfarb delves into the complexities of sustaining friendships in today's digital era, shedding light on the challenges posed by the internet in nurturing relationships. Rather than leaving readers feeling hopeless about forming deep bonds, Goldfarb provides actionable advice on preserving intimate friendships as well as those with acquaintances. Moreover, she imparts essential skills on becoming an effective communicator and a supportive friend, ensuring readers are equipped to be there for their friends in the most meaningful ways.

This was the first review by a total stranger, you guys. I know the Internet loves hating things so to get such a positive, heartfelt review completely blew my mind.

I’m also putting together some kickass bonuses for those who pre-order my book, MODERN FRIENDSHIP. I promise it’ll be something special and fun.

More soon!

Anna