Pop-Up Podcast: Gretchen Rubin

I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with author

Gretchen Rubin

. We spoke about her latest book, Secrets of Adulthood, “a delightful little nugget of a book.” It’s a collection of aphorisms (short, pithy sayings) that Gretchen has always loved and has compiled for us.

Things like:

One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make others happy. One of the best ways to others happy is to be happy yourself.

What we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while

We know if something is important to us if it shows up in our schedule, our spending and our space.

In our half-hour chat, we talked about:

• Friendship in the past vs. present

• Challenges in modern friendship

  • Lack of automatic community support (e.g., synagogues, churches) for maintaining friendships.

  • Individuals must actively choose and justify each friendship.

  • The "spoke network" model: individuals are at the center with different branches of friends who don't share common history or density.

  • Diversity in relationships can make friendships harder to maintain due to differing backgrounds and priorities.

  • The "about" of a friendship: a clear and compelling shared purpose or interest is crucial for its activation and endurance.

• The concept of "about": Every friendship needs a clear and compelling "about" (a shared interest or purpose) that makes it worthwhile for both individuals.

• The "working together often builds friendships faster than having fun together" aphorism.

  • Gretchen's interpretation: sustained collaboration can lead to deeper liking and closeness over time, even with initial differences.

  • Anna's interpretation: working towards a shared goal acts as "cement" that keeps the friendship active and compelling.

• Hollywood Walk of Fame Speeches (Matthew McConaughey and Guy Fieri):

• The "modern friendship paradox": We have the means to connect (phones full of contacts) but often choose not to.

• The failure of language: The word "friend" is too ambiguous, leading to confusion and unmet expectations.

• Individual agency: Focus on what individuals can understand and do in their own situations rather than blaming broader trends.

• Cultivating likability: While some people are inherently "likable," investing in communities and offering something of value can attract friends.

Thank you so much for chatting with me, Gretchen! She’s hosting a special day tomorrow, June 25th, as her #Read25in25 day, which was created to encourage people to read silently for 25 minutes. Join her in celebrating!