Newslettering Vol. 49: Tremendous News

MODERN FRIENDSHIP is happening!!!

Hello everyone!

*takes a lap around the room and high-fives everyone*

This has been a busy week in Anna-land.

1. My favorite seasonal ice cream, peppermint stick, is now in stores. It is cotton-candy pink and it tastes like a hug from the sassiest elf in Santa’s workshop.

2. I wrote my first article for The Atlantic about the nuances of giving gifts! 🎁 Presents can be an expression of our feelings toward others, but they also send messages about how we feel about ourselves too.

3. My book deal was also announced. Take a look:

I had the idea for a book about friendship in 2020-ish. But it wasn’t until January 2021 that this book idea went from “Maybe I should write a book about managing friendships” to “I need to write a book about managing friendships. RIGHT NOW.”

Here’s what happened.

In June 2020, I visited my parents at their house in New Jersey. I hadn’t seen my dad very much as we didn’t have vaccines available yet. Visits were infrequent and always outside.

I had just written a piece for The New York Times about whether you should reach out to friends during lockdown.

My dad wanted to talk about the article. He had let his friendship with Kenny, one of his oldest friends from childhood, drift. He wasn’t sure why he stopped talking to Kenny. It had been so many years of silence. This troubled him.

I told my dad that I was happy to poke around to see if I can find Kenny’s info online. He said sure. That afternoon, I shared Kenny’s Facebook profile and possible email address with my dad.

However, my dad didn’t reach out. He didn’t know how to explain away his absence. What if Kenny ignored his attempt at connection? Or was angry at him for abandoning their friendship?

My dad died six months after we had this conversation. His death was sudden-ish and it was due to complications with Covid. Many of his friends didn’t know he had contracted Covid. They certainly didn’t know that his case was so dire. He didn’t have time to say goodbye to his most treasured friends.

My dad never reached out to Kenny before he passed away. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Two days after my dad’s death, I reached out to Kenny’s son on LinkedIn. I explained that I was Roy’s kid and that I needed to talk to his dad. Could he put me in touch? 45 minutes later, I was on the phone with Kenny.

I explained that my dad passed away and how my dad had hoped to reconnect over the summer but…well there wasn’t really an answer.

“It was my fault,” Kenny said through tears. “I have responsibility here too. I could’ve reached out to him just as easily as he could’ve reached out to me.”

Kenny shared a few funny stories about what my dad was like in high school. Then he thanked me for reaching out to him. It felt like healing. It felt like closure.

After that call, I knew I wanted to write this book, MODERN FRIENDSHIP because friendships are SO IMPORTANT. They’re mysterious, confusing, slippery. But they don’t have to be!

I’ve been reporting on different facets of friendship for years, but I wanted to put together something bigger, something more coherent about how to have friendships as an adult.

I was thrilled to find a literary agent who believed in this project. I was fortunate to find an editor who connected with my vision.

Friends and family have cheered me on every step of the way. They’ve read drafts of my proposal and given thoughtful comments on the material. My friend Alexis has provided unwavering support and helped me negotiate my contracts. My husband Mike, in particular, has been my biggest cheerleader. I could not have achieved this book deal without his encouragement and love.

I’m so, so excited to write this book and I’m even more excited to hear how the book empowers YOU to cultivate friendships that fit your life today.

Thanks for reading all this. It feels good to loop you all in with this project. More soon!

Still jogging around the room high-fiving you,
Anna