24 Ways to Supercharge Your Friendships
Without having to put pants on
In my book, Modern Friendship, I give science-backed suggestions to enhance your friendships. The good news? Only a few of my pointers require pants to be worn, technically.
24 pants-optional ways to supercharge your friendships right freaking now
Identify the 3-5 people in your “Jacuzzi” tier. These are the friends you make the greatest commit to and will invest the most energy in.
Ask your friend for recommendations on what to watch or listen to. Then, check it out and report back to them.
Propose being accountability buddies on something. Cheer each other on while you work towards your goal.
Resist using friends solely as entertainment. Run errands together or just hang out at one of your houses. *you might need pants for this tip*
Record friends’ important dates in your calendar. Birthdays, anniversaries, deaths, etc.
Before your next hang out, brainstorm a few topics to discuss before you meet up.
During your next hang out, make sure there’s food and drink available. That tends to make people feel more at ease. *pants seem wise here*
During your next conversation, ask what your friends have you been obsessed with lately. See if you have any unexpected overlaps.
During your next hang out, make plans to meet up again before you part ways. It takes the guesswork out.
Celebrate your friends’ professional accomplishments. Friends like when you do this for them!
Care about what your friend cares about. Their children, pets and career are most likely way up there.
Remove uncertainty in all communication. Say, “No need to respond. Just tap a heart to let me know you’ve seen my message. Love you!” Or, “If I don’t hear back from you by noon, I’ll assume it’s a pass.”
Introduce your friends to one another. Explain why they will each benefit from the connection.
Share why you enjoy being in the friendship with your friends. Are they hilarious, caring and thoughtful? Tell them!
Give your friends little gifts just because. Lip balms, damn good olives and fancy chocolate are my go-tos.
Ask for a low-stakes favor. Something like, “Could you please proofread my resume when you have time?” That builds trust between you two.
Ask for consent before you vent. It shows that you recognize that your friend has other shit going on and that you’re not taking advantage of their willingness to listen.
Dream together out loud. If you could go anywhere, where would you go? What would you do?
Take the guesswork out of gifts. Be direct about your budget and preferences.
Resist giving unsolicited advice. Friendships are enjoyable because it’s a relationship of peers. Don’t dominate your friends with a buttload of advice they haven’t asked for.
Unsolicited advice is the Spencer Pratt of communication. I’m not quite sure what that means but it feels true Turn DOWN the volume on thoughts like, “Why haven’t my friends done more for me?” and turn UP the volume on thoughts like, “How can I help my friends out right now?”
Learn how to self-soothe. Your friends won’t always be available to you. Have a plan for how you’ll cope when they’re not available.
Ask for feedback. “Is there anything you’d change about our friendship? Anything you need from me that I’m not doing?”
Embrace flexible thinking. Your friendships may not look like what they were before and that’s okay!
I had a total blast chatting with Amanda Montell on her podcast, Magical Overthinkers. Look at us!! Look at me in red lipstick! Look at us again!
Listen here or anywhere you get your podcasts. It was a legit dream to speak with Amanda about the themes in my book. I deeply enjoyed our conversation.
I’ve also appeared on recent episodes of:
Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship (an encore episode ICYMI)
In other book news, Modern Friendship was long-listed for the Non-Obvious Book Award, which recognizes outstanding non-fiction books. Look at this bomb-ass decal:
Can I say I’m an award-winning author now? Is that a thing I can do?
Friends of the ‘Stack
Check out what my friends are doing. Support them if you can!!
Feeling stuck? Book a session with Nell, the Decision Coach. She’ll help you come up with an actionable plan you’ll feel great about. If you want to learn more about her process, read her article in Fast Company about how she operates.
Need some chuckles? Stream Chip Chantry’s comedy special, Move Closer. (You can see me in the audience!!!)
Substacks I Love
For Beautyheads
’s newsletter, Things I Buy As A Civilian. A longtime beauty insider, Amber shares which items she actually spends her own money on.For hip literary people
Author ’s Substack, No One Loves an Angry WomanFor language nerds
’s, Untranslatable is a fantastic meditation on the power of language.
Books + Writing
For those looking for more self-acceptance
Pre-order Dr. Ellen Henriksen’s new book, How to Be Good To Yourself When You’re Hard on Yourself (out Jan. 7th)!For aspiring writers
Sign up for author ’s 12-month manuscript incubator class. Click HERE to Apply by December 22nd. Early applications are encouraged as space is limited. While you’re at it, pick up her book Shame on You: How to Be A Woman In The Age of Mortification and subscribe to her Substack, Perfect Monsters.
Decks on Decks
Feeling shy? Get Blake Blankenbeckler’s friendship deck for your next hang and have deeper conversations.
Feeling Tarot-y? Buy Gina Tomaine’s Philly-themed tarot deck.
Feeling sober curious? Check out ’s sobriety card deck. It’s hot off the presses and Tawny is a gem!
Until next time. Your buddy,
Anna
The consent one!! So real. Thanks for the shout out 🫶🏽
The book is fantastic and no surprise that your visit on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship was my top episode of 2024! Thrilled we connected over the past few years. Here’s to more collaborations in the years ahead. 💛